Night.

With the exception of my mom, I have lived with Byron the longest of anyone in my life. And my mom beat Byron by just four months.

We said goodbye to Byron on Saturday. In the two days that I have lived without him, I can't believe how often he dominates my thoughts in a day. Little things...taking note of the sun filtering through the window and knowing he should be there sunning himself or making sure the basement door was open so he could sneak away from the kiddos. I probably thought about him without thinking 50 times a day.

It was a decision to put him to sleep. He was diagnosed with diabetes after Nora was born and we lived in denial for a long time. Dave and I knew as the veterinarian spoke the words that we would be unable to live up to the commitment to the extensive treatment. But, we remained silent. When we could barely get Nora her antibiotics three times a day, we passed sorrowful glances. When we sat down to attempt another budget, we crunched the numbers with a giant question mark hanging in the room. His pronounced gait got even more rigid. He fell. The boundaries of his litter box expanded. We knew that denial was not working.

We just didn't want it to be. I know others would make a different decision. We agonized and came out on this side of the decision. I thought the grief wouldn't be as pronounced when you make a conscious choice. I was wrong. I just miss him.