Monday, May 25, 2009

Night.


With the exception of my mom, I have lived with Byron the longest of anyone in my life. And my mom beat Byron by just four months.

We said goodbye to Byron on Saturday. In the two days that I have lived without him, I can't believe how often he dominates my thoughts in a day. Little things...taking note of the sun filtering through the window and knowing he should be there sunning himself or making sure the basement door was open so he could sneak away from the kiddos. I probably thought about him without thinking 50 times a day.

It was a decision to put him to sleep. He was diagnosed with diabetes after Nora was born and we lived in denial for a long time. Dave and I knew as the veterinarian spoke the words that we would be unable to live up to the commitment to the extensive treatment. But, we remained silent. When we could barely get Nora her antibiotics three times a day, we passed sorrowful glances. When we sat down to attempt another budget, we crunched the numbers with a giant question mark hanging in the room. His pronounced gait got even more rigid. He fell. The boundaries of his litter box expanded. We knew that denial was not working.

We just didn't want it to be. I know others would make a different decision. We agonized and came out on this side of the decision. I thought the grief wouldn't be as pronounced when you make a conscious choice. I was wrong. I just miss him.

10 comments:

Emily said...

Oh...this is very sad. Byron lived a good life. Hopefully he will be reunited with Pigpen some day.
Thinking of you.

Stranger Dating said...

Byron was a good cat and loved bagels. He will be missed.

Kathleen said...

hugs to you, mama.

mrotzie said...

(((Hug)))

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Kristy! It is sad to lose anyone that we love, no matter how they leave us. :(
Lynn

-s- said...

I am so sorry, Kristy. Having lost my Frank this past winter, I feel your pain. I will keep you in my thoughts.

suzz said...

this is very sad. i will give you a big hug in a month and a half-- and hugs to baby nora!

Anonymous said...

Kristy,
Your post made me cry. On Tuesday we had to say good-by to Noah after 17 years. Every time I open the door I expect to see him waiting. Ours was a conscious decision also but it doesn't hurt any less. I truly feel your pain. Love you.
Irene

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.
- Maya

April said...

So sorry to hear this Kristy. My own dog (who lived with my parents) died this summer as well. I still haven't been to their house to feel the full-on effect. It is true what you said that you think of them many times a day without even knowing it....