Thursday, July 16, 2009

September 13

I never can tell how this day will hit me.

Last night, I predicted an easy day. I have felt pretty connected with her lately. Giving birth to a girlbaby and naming her after my mom made me feel even closer to her spirit. I kind of felt like I had been mourning a bit each day. In a healing way. If that even makes sense.

I woke up and knew immediately I was wrong. My eyes didn't want to open. My body begged me to stay in bed. Those calls would go unheeded. Dave had to go to work. I needed to muster up my mamaenergy. I snipped and snapped at Dave before I finally wrangled the kids into the car.

I decided to seek out jasmine. I have such fragrant memories of the jasmine plants that flanked our house growing up. I wanted to kind of lose myself in the scent and do a little time traveling. I packed up the kids and headed off to the Arboretum.

We didn't find the jasmine. But, we found a lot of laughter (and a snake.) I just wish their Grandma NJ could have been there to giggle along.
On the way back to the car, the kids made a mama sandwich and I wondered how she experienced motherhood. I wish I could have known.

The kids are now asleep and the tears keep blurring my vision. I can't wait for tomorrow to come.